The Protagonist

I was once swimming in the pool of words… squirming and thrashing as the letters made their way up my nose and down my throat… writhing in agony as fragments and phrases drown me. All the feelings kept on surging through me… All the pain and frustrations swelling inside were translated to sentences I can’t keep up with.

All these literary pieces were scattered inside me and they didn’t make any sense – they are poems with mismatched rhymes… stories with incongruous plots. They kept coming…and my pen and paper couldn’t keep pace with all of it. It’s as if every tear, every pain, every heartbreak – are another stories awaiting to be written.

Amidst choking verses and coughing passages, you came. Someone who cannot be described into words…every adjective just fell short… The unstoppable voices in my head came to a halt. The chaos subsided and turned into bliss. It was the first time I was lost for words. Now everything is silent except for our heartbeats. I didn’t know that hundreds of fears would be tamed by a single hug. I didn’t know that thousands of tears would be wiped by a single kiss. I didn’t know that the love I have tried so hard to put into words will be justified by a single name. Now, my journal has empty pages and my heart is full of bliss…


tonight, she climbed atop the rooftop just like she always does…
she loves the wind, the thrill, the heights. it made her look fearless when she’s actually the exact opposite. she’s trembling inside. she fears this exact moment… she’s afraid of herself… she’s afraid of how crazy she could become.
looking over the city made her feel things–like how insignificant she is in this vast and wide universe and that she could drop dead that instant and nobody would even notice. the world will keep on going and everyone else will get on with their lives. everybody hates her. everybody leaves her. and it has already got into her nerves, you know, all the leaving… so this time she wanted to be sure no one’s going to leave her behind. not again. not ever. she felt empty. everything inside her is just so hollow. she suddenly had the urge to fly, and being the impulsive little bitch that she is, she did.

and she was right. nobody even noticed. the night went back to being dark and silent. and eveything that she was… everything that she is…everything that she will ever be… everything got reduced to a single thud, a ton of blood and a week of gossip. she didn’t know that even after death, she’d still get less than what she deserves.

I can’t thank you enough… (Journal Entry #005)

You are the one that my soul has been searching for so long and finding you has finally completed me. I am beyond grateful to you, for unconditionally and constantly showering me with happiness and love. For all the sweet things you’ve done and continuously do, Thank you!

For bombarding me with calls to wake me up every single morning…For buying me breakfast whenever I haven’t eaten yet…For texting me throughout the day no matter how busy you are…For checking up on me whenever I am on site…For bringing me water right into my table as I finish my inspections…For cooking food for me and eating lunch with me…For bringing site clothes that I can change into whenever I’m drenched with sweat…For always completing my day just because you were seated behind me…For taking me home every single night no matter how late it already is…For taking me out on dinners and dates…For making me feel that I matter…For telling me all your secrets…For hugging me whenever I feel sad…For accompanying me wherever I wanted to go…For supporting me with my dreams…For holding my hand in front of anyone…For introducing me to your family…For taking the dangerous side when we’re walking on the streets…For the endless assurance that there’s no one else but me…For bringing me to the hospital when I wasn’t feeling well and waiting for me to be discharged until past midnight…For always putting me first…For waiting on our lobby until twilight whenever we have a huge fight…For chasing me whenever I walk out…For fighting for me when we were about to break up…For always holding me tight when I’m about to let go…For staying with me no matter how hard I am to handle…For loving me despite my imperfections. For being so sweet, generous, caring, loving… For being sooooo close to “perfect”. For being YOU. THANK YOU. And Iloveyou.

I will never, ever find anyone else like you and I’m so grateful and lucky to have finally met my soulmate. You are my prayer and my dream. And I promise to love you exactly the way you love me. Iloveyou and I will never, ever look for anyone else apart from you…I will never love anyone else… You are my sun and my stars and my moon and you are the only light I need to shine through me. Iloveyou and I promise I will stay no matter how tough things may get. I will stay and I will never leave you. You are my present and my future and I really want to grow old with you. We will stay together, we will endure any hardships together…Iloveyou today and everyday for the rest of my life. Iloveyou


What we had in the past–had me seething in rage,
Smoldering our memories as they glow into bright orange,
Flames of love has gone out and fiery coal of hate remained.
And I sluggishly burn every part of you off my brain.
But just when I thought everything has turned to ash,
I saw you in the crowd and the breeze lashed,
The embers of our love has crackled back into life,
Melting away the hatred and tears as they fall on the fire.


Clear Out

Written by Carol J Forrester

I’ve been decluttering my heart recently, prising open the hidden parts I’d forgotten existed. But inside there are faces I don’t want to look at again. Over the years they have changed, lost any softness they once held, become darker, gaunter, crueler now the games have stopped. They are the ones I couldn’t let go of. Tucked away in secret spaces, their claws dug in too deep for me to do anything but move them around like knick-knacks, from the window, to the dresser, to the cupboard under the stairs. They have gathered dust but never left. Now when I look, I see they have shrunk in size and their talons don’t hold the same grip. They are easier to peel away, like plasters left on past a scar healing. They simply fall off, used and worn out.

How do you escape from feelings that consume you?

Sometimes I wonder how my heart could keep up with all the emotions I feel all at once…with all the feelings surging through me…
I wonder how i could manage to endure the intensity of each…the extremity…
One heartbeat it was all exhilarating feeling, and then on the next it was a complete melancholy…it was different on every beat and it was intense every time…
Everything is a climax… every moment is a peak… every action has an automatic reaction… and it exhausts the hell out of me…

How do you escape from feelings that consume you?

fall in love with poets, artists, musicians…with their queer reality,with their eyes—that see the unusual… rare…the beauty in everything.

with their hands that are capable of such complex, out-of-the-ordinary, unsettling art.

with their curious minds that notice the unnoticed, and leave you in a daze…and you smile every time because their mind is so much more beautiful than all the poetry you have ever read.

with their hearts that wanders off, in the most unpredictable of ways… and you just stare because their eyes glitter like little bulbs in the sky and you would anything to see them shimmer like that.

with their dreams and know what they really fantasize about.

fall in love with their art, that speaks what not everyone can hear.

and fall in love with all of their words, and their silence, and fall in love with them as a whole,

and be true.

for when you wonder what they think about you,

look at them

and they will smile at you with their eyes.

and they will create for you a vivid, many-hued picture when you are surrounded by black and white

and they will write you down, and play you songs.

in the most beautiful of ways.

that maybe



you will fall in love

with yourself.


Just Another Wasted Time

It’s hard to like someone who’s not even sure if he likes you…I liked you anyway.

It’s hard to go out with someone when you know he’s going out with someone else too…I went out with you anyway.

It’s hard to give someone a chance when he never explicitly asked for it…I gave chances to you anyway.

But it’s even harder to ask you not to leave when you never even stayed in the first place…

It’s even harder to bid goodbye when I never even had you…

How can I say goodbye? How am I going to end something that hasn’t even started yet?

So I think this is it then…

You’re now going to be ‘Just another guy’…

‘Just another page’ on my journal…

‘Just another dream’ I should wake up from….

‘Just another wasted time…’


Love is like a lightning,

It could be so much disparaging,

Once it was meant to struck on you,

There’s no other way to go to.

It’s impossible to get away from it,

No way to elude its mighty hit.

It would send you a surge of heat,

That will leave you black-butted from head-to-feet.

The glow you’ve thought of as a falling star,

Will smash your wish and is somewhat fatal…

Love is like a lightning,

That lurks everywhere even in bright morning:

Ready to await its next victim,

Someone to leave, shattered and bleeding,

So prepare yourself to the tears and pain,

Because in the word ‘love’ they’re always chained.


There’s nothing sexier than a Brilliant Mind

I’ve never had an orgasm my whole life…

but upon reading your superb blogs,

It’s like I’ve just had my first one!

God! how your words flirted with me…

how your ideas made its way to every bend and every turn of my brain…and remained there…

how your emotions influenced mine and made me feel a hundred feelings all at once…

your wisdom surged through me…it sent chills up my spine…it has given me goosebumps…

your words drove me crazy…I can’t get enough of them…and you–

hanging…like a dangling participle

you could have told me you don’t want to talk…I would never force you to…

you could have told me you’re busy…I would have gotten you off the hook…

you could have told me there’s someone else…I would have walked right away…

you could have told me you no longer want me…You won’t even hear anything I’d say…

but you haven’t told me anything…so here I am…

torn—if this is a start or an end…

hovering—over some ‘hellos’ or ‘goodbyes’…

confused—if there’ll ever be an ‘us’…

Lines that weren’t meant to intersect

Tonight…we can’t stop thinking about each other…it could have been a sweet moment…except that:

I…I’m thinking of how I want to start things with you…

and you…you’re thinking of a way out coz you no longer want me…

and I’m not sure where it went wrong?

Is it on me? for making up my mind too late…

or Is it on you? for giving me hints too early…