The fish who wants to fly

Within the depths of the sea, there lived a fish, who, unfortunately, don’t know how to swim. Since she was an egg, she was expected to be just like the other fishes, but she is not. She could breathe underwater, but she couldn’t swim…her movements are solely because of the waves… so she managed to stay alive… only to see how everybody else went on with their lives. She saw how much they’ve grown eating small fishes, escaping the fishnets, just – swimming…keeping up with the tide…and succeeding in their own little underwater adventures and endeavors.

She, on the other hand, she remained static, hidden, entangling herself with corals, allowing herself to be dragged wherever the waves will take her. And as she saw everybody else’s progress, everybody else’s growth as they pass right beside her, she couldn’t help hating herself. She hated herself for not being good enough and for not being able to cope up with the progress of other fishes. She hated herself because no matter how much she tried, she fails. She fed on that hatred day and night until finally, something inside her consumed her – a dream. A dream so ridiculous but so strong that it nearly drove her to the edge. She wanted to fly! She tossed this thought over and over her head and it always seemed as absurd as ever. But how can she not entertain this thought when that’s all she have to keep going?

She went on with her life holding this dream in her heart…taking her time…building her courage… And then one night, she had enough. She wanted to leave the dark, murky waters to try the shallow ones. And so she did. With a burst of bravery, she let herself float, she was ecstatic, she was imagining how it feels to fly. As she open her eyes, she saw some blinding light and she thought, literally, and figuratively, that it is somewhat a glimmer of hope. Something fell to the waters, but she was focused on the dreamy light and the thought of flying. Suddenly, she was lifted in the air, higher and higher…closer and closer to the light… and she couldn’t believe it! She’s flying! Or so she thought…

She was in the air for a couple of minutes and she has never been happier in her entire life. She thought she finally achieved a feat no other fish ever had. And then — there’s a thud in the boat as she fell on it, entangled on the nets. As her breathing becomes difficult the truth suddenly hits her. All her life, even though she didn’t know how to swim, she never drowned. But tonight, she did. She drowned in bitterness. “How do I lose these fins?” “How could I fly when I don’t have wings?” “Where do I belong: in the sky or in the sea?”

The next day, life has left her… her eyes wide open, as if envisioning the life she should have but hadn’t… nobody even knew how great her dream was and what she went through for that dream… Nobody.

 

This actually is a metaphorical piece I’ve written to express how lost I am in the crossroads of life. The feeling of not being enough and wanting more than I am capable of is gnawing on my insides and consuming me…

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